


What Tomorrow May Bring

by Mamacita5012



Category: The Killing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 15:04:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16389959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mamacita5012/pseuds/Mamacita5012
Summary: AU where Linden accepts Holder's invitation to come by his dojo.Season 3, episode 4 ('Head Shots')Holder and Linden have been searching for Kallie, with the help of Bullet.





	What Tomorrow May Bring

They hadn't slept in over two days, almost three. She knew they were getting close to finding this guy, but she could barely keep her eyes open. She hated to admit it, but she needed a break. 

 

"We're pushing 72 hours straight. We should probably get some sleep."

 

"Yeah," he replied. 

 

"I'll uhh, get a ride back to the station, see ya in a few hours." She turned to walk away. 

 

"You wanna come by my dojo, get some food?"

 

"Ahhh...I'm not a fan of tofu and lentils," Linden joked. "Thanks."

 

"A'ight. I'll see ya mañana." 

 

He turned and walked toward his car, but paused before opening the door. 

 

"Yo Linden!"

 

She turned around.

 

"It ain't like I'm cookin or nothing. Let's just get some take out and swing by mi casa. You pick the place."

 

She cocked her head and let out a sigh. 

 

"Fine," she replied, after a long pause. "But you're buying." She walked back toward his car.

 

" 'Course I'm buyin' Linden. It's not like you ever would anyways." 

 

He gave her a little grin as they both slid into the car. 

 

*****

 

Holder handed Linden the takeout bags as he unlocked the door. 

 

"Man, I cannot  _wait_  to let these dogs loose!" 

 

"Yeah, well wait 'til after we eat to take those filthy shoes off. I don't want that stench ruining my dinner." 

 

"Oh snap! Linden with the jokes!" 

 

She set the bags on the counter and began ruffling through them, trying to determine which items were his and which were safe for her to eat. Holder got them each a glass of water, and asked "Want a beer?" 

 

"Sure, why not?" Linden replied. "Need one after these past couple days." 

 

"No shit," he said as he opened her a bottle and handed it to her. He sat on the couch, kicked off his shoes, pulled off his sweaty socks and put his bare feet up on the coffee table, resting the takeout in his lap. 

 

Linden sat in the recliner next to the couch. "I thought you promised to wait until after dinner to stink up this place." 

 

"Come on Linden, live a little! Feels good to set these bad boys free, you should try it! Prolly won't even be able to smell your stinky socks underneath the swamp foot I got goin' on." 

 

"Eww Holder. I'm trying to eat here," she half-heartedly scolded. But she kicked her boots off too & let out a sigh of relief as she pulled each sock off to rest her feet perpendicular to his. 

 

They watched the Discovery Channel as they ate, trying to think of anything but the case. He made jokes, and she mostly just smiled. But sometimes, she flat out laughed. 

_God he loved her laugh._  He heard it so rarely, he sometimes forgot how beautiful it sounded. How beautiful it made her face look, all lit up, like she didn't have a care in the world. 

 

She hadn't been here since Jack left. He wished this would happen more often; he just felt so comfortable with her here. At ease. 

_Why couldn't he feel this way with Caroline?_

He didn't notice the commercial break. She looked behind him to check the clock, and he realized she'd caught him staring at her. His eyes flew back to the screen. 

_Shit_. _How does she always catch me?_

He stared at the TV, but he could feel her watching him. 

 

_Stop ogling him Sarah. You're acting like a teenager._

 

She stood up. "You want another beer?" she asked, as she grabbed their plates and bottles and walked toward the kitchen. She needed to get her mind on something else. 

 

He was glad she didn't mention the staring, and thought he better lighten the mood. 

 

"Sure thing Mamacita!" he shouted, just as the door opened. 

 

Linden jumped as she turned to see Caroline standing in the doorway. They looked at each other with confusion, and Caroline spoke first. 

 

"Linden?" she asked. 

 

"Uhh, yeah. Hi." 

 

They both turned toward Holder, who was staring back at them from the couch with his mouth gaping open.  _What was that ridiculous expression? Shock? Terror?_

Linden didn't know Caroline that well, but she always seemed pretty cheerful at work. That was definitely not the vibe she was giving off right now. 

 

Linden needed to get out of here. Fast. She did  _not_  want to be here for an argument, especially one she may be the cause of. 

 

But her boots were under the coffee table. And Caroline was standing right in her path back to them. 

 

She threw the plates in the sink and the bottles in the recycling bin. She started to walk back toward her boots, but Caroline was already in the living room, talking quietly, and maybe angrily, to Holder. 

 

"I need to use the restroom," Linden shouted awkwardly from the hallway, and walked quickly to the bathroom and locked herself in.  _Better just wait it out in here._

She peed, flushed the toilet, washed her hands and face, and then waited a few extra minutes, just for good measure.

 

She headed out of the bathroom, determined to get her boots and head home. As she walked toward the recliner, they both looked over at her. 

 

"I was just getting ready to leave," Linden said, as she walked past them, sat down, and began putting on her socks and lacing up her boots. 

 

"Linden, you don't even have a car here."   

 

_Shit, she forgot. He's my ride._

"Don't bother," said Caroline. "I was on my way out."

 

"Caroline!" Holder said half-heartedly, feeling exasperated as he followed her to the door. "You don't have to leave, we're just eating take out. There's even some left for you!"

 

Just then, his phone rang. He glanced at it from the doorway, lying on the coffee table. Then he glanced back toward Caroline as she stood in the doorway, waiting to see what Holder would do. 

 

Linden picked it up to see who it was.  _Someone about the case?_

_BULLET_

Caroline & Holder watched as Linden answered his phone. 

 

"Linden....What? Yeah, he's standing right here. What is it? .......Slow down! ........Ok, I'll be right there."  She closed the phone. 

 

"Who was it?" Holder asked. But before Linden could answer, Caroline gave an exasperated sigh and turned to leave. 

 

Holder started to follow, but looked back at Linden, waiting for her reply. 

 

"Bullet. She thinks she found Kallie." 

 

Holder stood, stuck in place, his eyes gazing back and forth between the two women. 

He dashed to the couch and pulled on his socks and shoes. He looked up at Linden and shrugged, embarrassed she witnessed the awkward moment between himself and Caroline.

 

She gave him a knowing smile, and they rushed out the door.

 

*****

 

"Where to Boss?" Holder asked once they were safely in the car.

 

"Some vet office on the corner of 6th and Charles."

 

They drove in silence for a few minutes, before Linden could finally get some thoughts out loud. 

 

"Holder, I'm sorry. I--"

 

"Linden, don't. You got nothin' to be sorry for. You didn't do nothin' wrong."

 

She sighed. "I just didn't realize she'd be so upset about us having dinner. We eat at least one meal together every day, usually more." 

 

"Yeah, me neither." He paused, looking sideways to see her face out of the corner of his eye. "Apparently it's Valentine's Day," he said softly.

 

Sarah tried to hold it in, but couldn't. She let out a stifled laugh. 

 

"Yo, don't be laughin' at me Linden." He grinned and gently smacked her arm. "How am I supposed to keep track of that shit when you're ridin' my ass for three days straight?!" 

 

"I'm sorry Holder," she laughed. "I had no idea. I've never paid attention to that kind of stuff." 

 

"Yeah, you and me both. I don't know why girls are so into it anyways. It's all just some corporate bullshit designed to make dudes shell out a buncha dough they don't got."

 

"You don't have to tell me Holder....And I'm offended. Not all of us are into that lovey dovey stuff you know."

 

"What? You tellin' me that 1-900 don't want her man sendin' flowers and chocolates on V-Day?!" He grinned.

 

She only gave a slight chuckle. 

 

"Yeah well, even if I had one, I'd probably forget what day it was and stay out all night chasing after some dead girl while he sat on the couch waiting for me." She looked down at her hands in her lap. 

 

_Shit, now he's done it. He hated when he took it too far and made her feel bad. Why couldn't he just keep his stupid mouth shut?_

"Yeah, well, you've got me Linden. And I'm out here with you, chasin' after that girl. I gotch your back."

He nudged her arm with his elbow. And when he gave her a little smile, she gave one back. 

_God, that smile. How can I get her outta my head when she keeps lookin' at me like that?_

And for the second time tonight, he wondered what the hell he was still doing dating Caroline. 

 

*****

 

It wasn't Kallie, but thank God they found that girl. 

 

"EMT said he had to give her a bunch of sedatives to calm her down enough to get in the ambulance. Said she'd be knocked out for a spell. We should head home and get a few hours of shut eye before we go talk to her at the hospital in the morning," Holder reported.

 

"Yeah, I'll get a ride back to the station and meet you at the hospital, bright and early."

 

"Jesus Linden, just sleep on my couch. By the time you make it all the way out to Vashon and back, you won't get any sleep."

 

She knew he was right.  _She really needed to sleep._

"What about Caroline?"

 

"You saw her. I don't think she's comin' back for this little slice of Heaven anytime soon." They both laughed.

 

"Fine." She walked to his car and opened the passenger's door. 

 

"Just wait here a sec; I gotta go talk to Bullet. See how she's holdin' up."

 

"Yeah, good luck." She gave him a half-hearted smile.

 

Sarah waited in the car as she watched Holder walk over to Bullet and sit down beside her. They talked for a few minutes and she could see Bullet start to cry. Holder reached his arm around the girl's shoulder; Linden thought for sure Bullet was gonna punch him again, but she just leaned her head onto his shoulder and let herself cry even harder. 

 

Linden felt a twinge of longing as she remembered how Holder had comforted her--when she thought Jack was missing, and then again when Jack left for Chicago. His strong hand, resting on her shoulder. His warm breath, teasing the back of her neck. 

 

And for the second time tonight, she wondered why the hell she hadn't noticed him sooner. 

 

*****

 

Holder jumped into the driver's seat. 

 

"I invited Bullet; hope that's ok. I’m gonna get her some food. I just couldn't leave her alone out here...not tonight. Not after..." He trailed off.

 

"I know," she said, as she touched his arm lightly, giving him a slight smile. 

 

Bullet finished her cigarette, wiped her red, swollen eyes, and slid into the backseat, looking defeated. 

 

"Where to, Bullet?" Holder asked a little too cheerfully.  "What's your favorite late night chow? We're pickin' up some eats and takin' it back to my place. My treat."

 

***

 

"Is this the dump you call home?" Bullet joked, as she threw her backpack down and plopped herself onto the couch. 

 

"Yo, my dojo is...alright fine, it's a dump," Holder said, laughing. "But Linden keeps me at work so long, it doesn't matter. All I do here is sleep, and she barely lets me do that." 

 

He turned toward Linden and gave her a wink. 

 

"Yo, was that some sort of innuendo? Are you two a thing?!" Bullet accused. 

 

"No!" they both shouted at once. 

 

Holder turned his head just in time to see Linden snap her gaze toward the floor, blushing. 

 

"Damn, sorry I asked." 

 

Bullet picked up the remote and rested her feet on the coffee table as she leaned back. She flipped through the stations, quickly stopping on the Discovery Channel to watch some show about elephants. 

 

She scarfed down her 3 tacos and a whole lotta chips with guacamole before Linden even sat down. Girl was little, but she could eat. She tried to argue, but not very hard, as Holder gave her his last two tacos, saying he wasn't really that hungry. 

 

_So I'm not the only one he forces to eat._

 

Holder looked across the room and saw Linden watching them from the kitchen. Gave her a little smile. 

She smiled back before turning away.  _God, am I blushing again? I must be really tired._

_Is she blushing again? No, quit foolin' yourself Holder. You're crazy if you think Sarah Linden will ever think of you that way. She's probably just tired._

Bullet and Holder sat next to each other on the couch all night, watching the Discovery Channel, trading facts and joking around. 

 

But also talking, about real stuff--why Bullet ran away, how her parents never understood her, couldn't accept her for who she really was. Linden thought Holder just had a special connection with Jack, which she still thinks is true. But she's realizing that this is just something he's good at--making connections with kids. 

 

At first she thinks it's because of his juvenile sense of humor, which is partly true. But it's not just that. He has a way of making them feel comfortable, asking the right questions at just the right time. Backing off when they get embarrassed, and pushing forward when he thinks he can get them to open up. 

 

She suddenly realizes he does this with her too. That this is the reason he knows her better than anyone else, the reason she has opened up to him about her past, about Jack, about everything. 

 

She heads for the bathroom, realizing she needs a moment to gather her thoughts without the risk of Holder catching her staring at him again. 

 

She's in there too long, and she comes out to see Holder putting a blanket over a sleeping Bullet. Sees a note he left on the coffee table. "I'm snoozin' in the back room. Wake me up if you need anything. -Bugs"

 

Linden followed as he walked past her toward his bedroom.

 

"You can't let her sleep here Holder. Even bringing her here for dinner was probably crossing the line."

 

He ruffled through the drawers. "I know. I just can't leave her alone out there. Not tonight. Not after she saw all that blood in the drainpipe, and then that girl." He trails off. "Not while she's so upset about Kallie." 

 

He paused after closing his dresser, T-shirt in hand, and looked nervously up at Linden, who was standing in the doorway. 

 

"She just reminds me so much of myself, ya know? I used to run away all the time when I was her age. Stayed out all night, smokin' cigarettes, lookin' to score some weed." He looked down for a second, and then back up at her again. "Not wanting to deal with what I'd find at home." 

 

He took off his nasty work shirt & threw it in the corner atop a heaping pile of laundry. Linden watched as he pulled its replacement quickly over his head and he sat on the edge of the bed. 

 

"But Liz would ALWAYS find me. Ride her bike around on the streets, lookin' everywhere. And when she did find me, she'd be bustin' my balls until I'd finally just come home."

 

Linden sat down next to him, maybe a little too close. 

 

He sighed. "Thing is, I never really wanted to run away, didn't wanna stay out all night. I think I just wanted to know somebody'd come lookin' for me. Prolly hoped it'd be my moms." 

 

He looked nervously up at Linden, and then back to the floor. 

 

"But it was always Liz. She was always lookin' out for me." He paused, contemplating.  

 

"Bullet don't got nobody like that." 

 

"She has you." 

 

"Yeah, well havin' some low-life tweaker lookin' out for you don't mean shit, does it?" He kicked the ground lightly and tried to give a light-hearted chuckle, but it got stuck in his throat. He hated how pathetic he sounded.  _Why was he telling her all this?_

 

"Just because you used to be a tweaker, doesn't mean you're one now. And it  _definitely_  doesn't make you a low life." 

 

She gently rested her hand on his wrist, settling his fidgeting hands, which were sitting on his nervously bouncing legs.  _Why was he so nervous all of a sudden?_

 

"You're a good cop Holder. And an even better friend. You've been there for me when I needed you more times than I can count. That's all Bullet needs right now. Somebody to check in on her from time to time, make her eat." She chuckled. "And from how many tacos she just downed, it looks like you've got that covered."

 

She gave him a gentle smile, and started to pull her hand away, but he quickly pushed it back onto his wrist and rested his free hand on top of hers.

 

 She stared at their hands, stacked on top of each other like they were getting ready to do some silly cheer before a middle school basketball game. 

 

 He was looking at her now, breathing heavily. God, his heart was racing. He was sure she could see it beating through his chest, it was so loud in his ears.

 

"Holder--"

 

"Sarah," he interrupted her. 

 

He'd never used her first name before; it caught them both off guard. It felt nice calling her that. Comfortable. He didn't know what he was doing, he just knew he didn't want this moment to end.  

 

He didn't have much practice talking to women like Sarah, telling them his personal thoughts. And having them actually listen, God he could get used to that. Most of the women who'd shown any interest in him were addicts, and they usually didn't give a fuck about his thoughts after a meeting was over.

 

Except Caroline. She wasn't an addict. But she didn't know him. Not really. Not the way Linden does. He could never say any of this shit to her; she'd run for the hills. And he was starting to think maybe he didn't want her to know him the way Linden does.

 

"Sarah, will you stay here with me? Just for tonight?"

 

He knew this was asking too much of her. Pulling her out of her comfort zone. Asking her, almost begging her, to stay. 

 

He couldn't explain this feeling, but he didn't want it to end.  It was one he couldn't remember ever having with anyone else.

_Was it trust? Comfort?_

 

_Love?_

 

He pushed the feelings aside, just as he had when they first met. Just as he had all those weeks they'd been working the Larsen case. He thought his feelings for her had turned to professional, platonic, after all that time apart. After all this time dating Caroline. But the events of this evening had made him realize how strong his feelings for her still were.

 

All he knew right now was that he had to stay close to her, even if it was only for this one night.   

 

"Don't worry Linden, I won't try to kiss you." He tried to lighten the mood and bring them back into comfortable territory with one of his little jokes.  

 

She smiled. An actual smile. Something he didn't get to witness very often. And with the moonlight shining in through the window, landing on her face, her hair, he couldn't help himself.  _God, she's beautiful,_ he thought. 

 

She paused then, with her hand still stacked in between his. Staring at the floor, thinking. 

 

"Okay." 

 

She slipped her hand out of his and went to his dresser, grabbing a T-shirt out of his middle drawer and turning to face the wall. He watched her back as she pulled her sweater off and his shirt on, in one fail swoop. He was surprised to find himself holding his breath while he caught the faintest glimpse of her black sports bra against her milky white skin.  

 

She dug through his top drawer and found some boxers. She started to unbutton her jeans, but looked over her shoulder and caught him, watching her. 

 

"Turn around!" she scolded. But he could see that she could barely keep from laughing at herself. Or maybe she was laughing at him for watching her so intently. ( _He wasn't sure, he couldn't think straight with all these emotions flooding his brain.)_  

 

"You got it Boss," he joked, and gave her a little salute. 

 

He turned toward the pillows and pulled back the blankets. He could see her watching him out of the corner of his eye as she changed out of her jeans and into his boxers. 

 

He laid down, facing the middle of the bed, anxiously awaiting her arrival. 

 

She tentatively got under the covers, laying flat on her back. 

 

"Thanks Linden." He somehow resists the urge to reach for her. "Goodnight."

 

"Goodnight." 

 

His breathing is beginning to lull her to sleep and she knows she shouldn't, but she slowly turns her body to face him. 

 

"Holder," she whispers, barely audible. "Holder," a little louder this time. 

 

She stares at his chest, listening to his breaths. When she's satisfied he's asleep, she decides there wouldn't be any harm in telling him.

 

"You could," she said quietly, slowly looking up toward his face, only to realize he'd opened his eyes. 

 

_I could? Could what?_ His mind is racing, thinking back to their conversation from only a few minutes ago, clueless. 

 

Just as a wild thought is occurring to him, she moves her hand to touch his face. He stares at her in disbelief, and suddenly realizes that she  _is_  saying exactly what he thinks she's saying. 

 

He reciprocates, and touches her face gently. They're both breathing so loudly he can hardly think straight, but he moves in closer anyway, until their lips slowly meet. 

 

It's gentle at first. Cautious, and curious. It deepens as he weaves his fingers through her hair, massaging the back of her neck with one hand, and rubbing tiny circles behind her ear with the other. She uses her fingers to trace a line from his cheek, down his neck, down his stomach, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake.

 

She starts to lift at the bottom of his shirt, but stops herself, with one hand resting on his bare abdomen. He pulls back, resting his forehead on hers while they both catch their breath. 

 

They both know this can't happen. Not with Bullet in the next room. Not with Caroline waiting for Holder's apology. 

 

But soon.

 

So they stare at each other for a moment--foreheads touching, fingers caressing, thoughts racing--until their breath slows. 

 

Slowly, they remove their hands from each other's bodies, and lay silently facing one another. Holder gently grasps Linden's hands and gives them each one soft kiss before they both close their eyes. 

 

They fall asleep slowly, holding onto each other's hands, both eagerly awaiting what tomorrow may bring. 

 


End file.
